As we grow, with God’s help, I believe we start to find our purpose. Some people find theirs in a flash of color, a moment they can point to and say, “that was the moment it all changed! I knew profoundly why I was here and what I was meant to do!”. For others… for me, it was a much slower, quieter journey. Sometimes filled with bendy wrong turns, confusion and a lot of prayer. But if we can learn to serve God, He can help guide us into discovering our purpose. And when we start actively living out our purpose every day we begin to feel balanced, empowered, re-energized, and hopeful! It opens our eyes and allows us to stop living selfishly, so we can start helping others. We all have a purpose waiting to be fulfilled, and this blog is the start of mine <3
I always had a deep yearning to become a mother. I always knew I wanted a family. When my husband and I found out we were expecting, I felt that everything in my life was starting! Finally coming together and falling into place. Little did I know the next three and a half years would be nothing like I planned. The first 5 months I experienced horrible morning sickness (more accurately – all day sickness) and while I loved feeling my little man move around while he grew I was overall uncomfortable or in a lot of back pain for most of my later pregnancy. I also started having eczema and some anxiety (although at the time I had no clue what this really was). My son was also born with tongue and lip ties which made breastfeeding extremely difficult. We didn’t find a doctor able to release his ties until he was 3 months old. I have never felt so helpless or out of control, knowing my little guy wanted to nurse but couldn’t properly. Feeling like I was failing and in so much pain from constant incorrect latching. My husband also switched jobs right after our son was born and started working shifts, so many of the nights I was on my own.
My anxiety continued to worsen. I was working close to 40 hours a week on maybe 2-3 hours of sleep a night, pumping constantly and feeling hopeless most of the time. Our marriage wasn’t doing great because my husband and I were on such separate pages and didn’t know how to communicate through these rough times. My husband then tore his distal bicep tendon, needed surgery and wasn’t able to work for 3 months. The babysitter was at a point in her life where she decided she needed to cut back on how many hours she could work for us. Our son had allergic reactions to infants Ibuprofen and band aid adhesive. Then at 11 months, had a febrile seizure and was in Children’s Hospital for 4-5 days. I just broke down. I literally started bawling one night when my mother was at my house and just locked myself in my room. My marriage and my motherhood weren’t suppose to be this way. This couldn’t be how God was going to work through me or what He had planned for my families lives. Plus there was guilt for struggling when so many other women and families had bigger issues. Something had to change.
I sat alone in my room and wrote a list. Things I could try to maybe shift our family out of this place none of us wanted to be in. Over the next few weeks we started making changes. We reworked our budget and cut out a lot of extra’s so I could cut down to two days a week at work (eventually down to one day a week and then quit all together this past fall). We started seeing a marriage counselor and communicating/supporting each other better again. I started researching different types of parenting approaches, alternative medicine information, anxiety and gut healing. While I felt things were improving, at least moving in a better direction it was all still so overwhelming. We were parenting completely different than we thought we would, we were incorporating a completely different eating style (because of my son’s and my health issues – eczema, allergies, IBS, his seizure, etc) and no body around us was going through similar lifestyle changes. We had a wonderful support system from our family and friends but I wished there was somebody who was living the way we wanted to who could point us in the right direction. Not just on one topic but on all the things we had questions on. If there would’ve been a central hub where we could look up an issue and be directed where to find the best answer that fit our new lifestyles we could have saved so much time! Looking back one of my biggest regrets is having missed so many moments in the first few months of my son’s life. I was so stuck in just getting through each day and pretending like everything was fine that I wasn’t truly present.
That first year with a new baby can be so overwhelming, my hope is with this blog I can help women feel a little less lost than I did. By providing a space that can point you in the right direction concerning numerous topics like breastfeeding, parenting approaches, gut healing, anxiety, relationship struggles, alternative medicine, finding your purpose and having an open mind about getting help when you need it. Maybe you don’t have kids yet, but want to learn some of these things ahead of time. Or your kids are older but starting to have a problem (gut related, communication related etc) that’s new to you and you’re not sure where to find good information. After spending the last 3 1/2 years pouring over books, websites, blogs and facebook groups I’m so excited to share some of the places and resources I’ve found with other women! My mission, my purpose moving forward is to create a motivational and directional blog for the modern day woman. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so let this blog fill your cup so you may help others fill theirs <3
~Thank you, my son, for starting me on the path to finding my purpose ~ all my love!